Two weeks ago I heard a quote that stopped me in my tracks: “The things that ‘aren’t enough’ today are the exact things you longed for 5 years ago.”
Ouch.
It rang so true it hurt. I’m a high achiever. I want to succeed, and never settle. I’ve spent a lot of my life striving for important goals, and then the goal after that, and the goal after that. But time after time once I’ve reached a goal, it doesn’t satisfy me nearly as much as I thought it would when I set the goal.
The problem isn’t the goal’s fault. And it’s not that I’ve changed and don’t care about that goal anymore. I realized the reason the goal doesn’t satisfy me is because I’m not letting myself spend any time in a state of satisfaction. I’m completely skipping over the “savoring” part of the journey, to move right on to finding whatever is next.
That might be a great recipe for a lot of awards (and a lot of burnout, let’s be honest). But it’s not a great recipe for a satisfied, fulfilled life.
Since my 4th bout with cancer in the height of the COVID lockdowns, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the balance of success and fulfillment in my life. My goals are no longer just to achieve, but to also to enjoy the experience. To savor the satisfaction of accomplishment (and yes, I do have a little dance I do with my husband when I bring in a new client!).
One way I’m working on this “goal savoring” technique is to change the internal narrative I tell myself. Instead of saying “yeah, of course I got that done. Obviously. I set out to do it and I did it.” I now try to say “dang, Courtney! You got that done!” I’m not surprised I accomplished what I set out to do, but I take a moment to be proud. I try to think of the little 8-year-old Courtney still inside me, and think about how crushed she would have been if she’d gone up to an adult and said “Look! My book of poetry won an award at the school fine arts competition!” and the adult had responded “yeah, of course it did,” and turned away. Why would I treat myself like that?!
The things you have today, the person you are today… 5-years-ago you would probably be so proud. And maybe even a little amazed. Don’t diminish your progress as something that was inevitable. It was the result of your vision and your work and your smarts.
What’s your goal for this week? Whatever it is, when you cross it off your list, don’t just shrug and think “okay, on to the next”. Acknowledge your achievement, and heck, maybe do a little dance. 😉
