People seem to either really enjoy the holiday season or the seem to dread it. I don’t feel like I encounter a lot of folks in between. How do you feel about the holidays?
One thing is for sure: the holidays are a REALLY hard time to be having a hard time. If you aren’t feeling it, the joy of the season feels extra-offensive and bothersome. Maybe you’re stressed from work, maybe you have bad holiday memories from childhood, or maybe this is your first holiday season without a loved one. Whatever the reason, if the “holiday spirit” is hurting you instead of helping you, it’s okay to do the holidays a little differently than the traditional way.
Be up front. Tell someone that you’re struggling. You don’t have to tell *everyone* (and you probably shouldn’t, because some people just won’t get it, and they’ll try to argue with you and cheer you up and get you in the spirit of the season. Ignore those goobers.) But please tell at least one person. First, when we’re struggling, it’s easy to drift off into our little bubble of alone-ness. But when you retreat into yourself you become an echo chamber of dwelling on your emotions, and THAT’S how you lose perspective. Keeping another person in the loop can help you keep connected, which is an important part of your mental health. And second, when you speak up, you might find that you aren’t alone!
Don’t fake it. There’s just so much JOY this time of year, isn’t there? And it feels like if you’re NOT feeling the joy, there must be something wrong with you. There’s a strong temptation just to go along with the crowd and be merry, but you don’t have to do that. Feel whatever you feel. Don’t try to drag other people down if they ARE into it, but trying to ignore your feelings because they don’t fit in with the season is a recipe for disaster. Research shows that ignored emotions tend to become more problematic in the long run that emotions that are recognized and dealt with, so just let yourself feel what you feel.
Avoidance is fine. Now, I won’t usually advocate for *avoiding* your emotions rather than dealing with them head-on, and that’s not really what I’m suggesting. But if you need to pass up specific events or stay away from certain people because it’s just all too much for you right now, take this as permission to do so. Skip whatever you need to, and do it guilt-free. Remember, an invitation is not a summons!
It’s not all or nothing. There may be one tradition from this time of year that DOES bring you joy. It doesn’t even have to be specifically holiday-related – maybe it’s a sport or activity, or volunteer work that’s meaningful to you. Even if you feel like giving up all the other celebratory activities that go along with the holidays, you don’t HAVE to skip out on this one tradition that brings you joy (and you probably shouldn’t).
Let’s normalize feeling the whole entire range of human emotions during the last few weeks of the year, instead of just joy and cheer. Maybe then when we roll into 2025, we’ll all feel refreshed and ready for what’s ahead.
